Wednesday, December 15, 2010

How Puzzling!

Dear Coworkers,

I know that this job at the residential treatment center just recently started, and so we have not yet had the opportunity to fully get acquainted. Despite this I feel like I have not presented myself as a complete idiot, and thus am puzzled by why you felt that I needed to be instructed on how to look for unique shapes to fit together when doing a puzzle. I know how to put puzzles together. I know of very few people who do not. The reason that I was searching and searching and occasionally finding the correct piece, wasn't evidence of my level of intelligence, but rather was the result of it being nearly midnight, on a night when I hadn't slept very well, or very much, the previous four nights. Thanks, though, for obvioulsy thinking the best of me, and for treating me like I am five (No girl need beauty creams or youth serums when she has people like you in her life who will forever be treating her like an incompetent child). Also thank you for being oblivious to the fact that the other coworker was working at a slower pace than me, so that I could be the only one privy to your very helpful puzzle advice.


Your New Friend, who almost shoved puzzle pieces down your throat last night

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Childhood is Calling Me Back

I'm graduating with my Bachelors of Science in May. While I am super excited to graduate, I can't help but wonder, "how the heck did I get this old?!!!!" and "what am I supposed to do with my life now?!!" These questions mostly rest on the fact that I do not feel like an adult. I've been through some life events that I always thought would mean I was an adult, including voting, having my 21st birthday, paying rent and bills, going to college, making my own meals, etc. And yet, I still don't consider myself an adult. I do adult things, and the government views me as an adult, and yet I don't feel grown up. Does that come with a real career or perhaps marriage and kids?

I feel like a giant kid living on my own--which definitely has its perks because the more grown-up activities I do (like work and bills and holding my tongue) the less I want to be grown-up. I wish I could go back in time and slap my little child-self for ever wishing to be a grown-up. Being a kid rocked: I got to play all the time, school was easy, I had recess, there was no work, I got a bedtime story and got tucked into bed every night, and my mom took care of me when I was sick (One of my most horrible life-experiences was when I got the flu my freshman year of college and my mom wasn't there to take care of me. I felt like I was dying, and my roommates couldn't have cared less!), and there were no hard, life-changing decisions that I had to make. Bottom line: I wish I could be a kid forever (actually a kid-adult hybrid because certain adult privileges like driving and no curfew would only enhance the eternal childhood that I'm envisioning).

Dave Barry has a quote that says, "You can only be young once, but you can always be immature." So, even though I look like an adult, and begrudgingly do some adult tasks like laundry, I can always be immature to ensure that I don't ever fully become an adult. Granted, this is not a totally original idea as many others also appear to be following this path back to childhood through immaturity.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Stupid Signs and Slogans

Its rush week at my university. Normally, I could care less to see all of the hand-painted plywood signs that sprout up all around campus. Granted, they are a tacky eyesore, and I do have some issues with the Greek system, but usually they don't bother me. Not this year though. This year the signs are particularly stupid, and thus something that I cannot simply overlook. The members of Greek system have been stereotyped as stupid, and this year it looks like they were trying to prove that stereotype to be correct.

One sorority in particular has a new slogan: "Lucky to be in Alpha Phi." Really? That's the slogan you picked? These girls PAY every semester to be in your sorority, I don't think that luck has all that much to do with it! This is like saying that having to pay a speeding ticket is lucky! I guess that all of the cash I dropped on textbooks and tuition and rent this semester has made me one lucky girl!

Another sorority decided to post this on one of their signs: "Keep your friends close and your sisters closer." I didn't have a problem with this at first, but having passed it daily for the past three days, I've decided that they are advertising that the 'sisters' are actually enemies (the word used in the real saying that they've stolen from because they lack all creativity), which I guess is a very real possiblity since girls can be very catty, and living in the same house and going after the same guys could make them enemies (or I guess the new term is frenemies ;) ). But why they thought that advertising that their sisters are catty and backstabbing was a good idea is beyond me.

The first sign that really got my ire up was for a fraternity. The sign states, "In 1776 all men were created equal, in 1869 that all changed." I'm just going to pick on their word-choice right now, although I do take exception to their implication that being a member of their fraternity makes them better than other people (especially since I've met several of these 'brothers' and know for a fact that its not true.). While it is true that in 1776 Thomas Jefferson penned the immortal words, "all men are created equal," those words did not create equality, they just stated that men were created equal, which means they were created equal from the time of Adam, not since 1776. I take this error to be ironic seeing as how the fraternity, on the same sign, implied their superiority-and yet at the same time, by this error, were able to show their inferiority.

This may seem nitpicky, but these sororities and fraternities are advertising for new recruits-and I for one have definitely been negatively impacted by these signs and would not be able to join up with someone who is associated with such stupidity, and while I am pretty neurotic and nitpicky, other people who are are actually potential pledges might have these same opinions, and so the Greek system should take extra care during Rush Week to not appear as stupid as they usually do during the rest of the year.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Close Encounters of the Roommate Kind

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. My insomnia seems to occur in cycles throughout the year. Sometimes I can fall asleep in seconds and sleep like a rock for the next twelve hours, and other times I lie awake for hours unable to fall asleep and then I'll wake up two hours later unable to fall back to sleep. I think I found a cure though.

Last night, after lying in bed trying, unsuccessfully for over an hour. to fall asleep, I got up to use the bathroom. Through the thin door I heard my roommate talking. She has, on occasion talked in her sleep and sleeptalking is often amusing, so I attempted to hear what she was saying as she dreamt, but was unable to hear over the noise of a fan. I finished up in the bathroom, and as I was about to go out into the bedroom my overactive imagination kicked in. I started wondering if she was sleepwalking (which she hasn't done, as far as I know, I'm just not very rational when I am sleep deprived), and then I started thinking about scary stories of people getting killed by waking up a sleepwalker. It was at this point that I thought, "what if she is sleepwalking and I wake her up and I get killed?!!!" Have I mentioned that I have an overactive imagination and am not the most rational person when I am tired? To prevent getting killed I decided to flip on the light (which was off because I hate having to wait for my eyes to adjust from dark to light and then back again. I can see just fine in the dark, I just need the light to protect me from the hypothetical homicidal tendencies of my non-sleepwalking roommate.). I walked out and not two feet from me stood my roommate. (Imagine Hitchcockian music playing here.) My hand flew to my mouth as I screamed. Wide awake, and not sleepwalking, she gaped at me too. We stood like that for a good five seconds, until my brain registered that I was not going to get murdered. We passed each other as she went to the bathroom and I returned to my bed. I must have laughed for ten minutes straight.

She came out and told me that her heart was still racing. Mine was as well, but I couldn't tell her because I was laughing so hard. After suppressing my giggles and guffaws I was able to fall asleep and slept soundly for the rest of the night. Laughter is apparently the best medicine for insomnia.